Better and better.
by Chris on Feb.07, 2010, under Depression, Family
I seem to be feeling ALOT better lately. I have been off the Meds for almost four weeks now and it feels great.
That’s not to say I haven’t had down times but I seem to be coping with them far better than I was. And I kinda know the reason why.
Over the holidays I have spent alot more time with the boys and it has been great, we have had a fantastic time and they have really made me feel alive. H and I are finally getting things sorted and are talking like adults again. Last weekend we had a great talk, admittedly on the phone, but I think it really cleared some issues up between us. She told me a few things and I told her some, but in the end we both agreed that what ever was going on between us MUSTN’T affect the boys in any way. What’s been going on between us is not their fault.
So we have agreed that for the next three months I will get the boys for five consecutive nights each fortnight. And now that I know they are coming back to me the world seems to be a far better place.
I did get a bit down this weekend as I went and stayed at I&G’s beach house in Waikawa and a couple of friends came up with their kids. We had a great time playing at the beach, hey I even went for a swim, but just as we were walking down to the beach I had a minor crash. Just all of a sudden really really missed the boys. I just could see how much they would have loved being there and it hurt. So instead of getting all down about it… What have I done… Well I have booked the place again for this weekend and I am going to take the boys up there with me. Just hope the weather plays it’s part.
So all I need to get really sorted now is my finances. But once again, I am getting there slowly with those to. Gonna take longer to get them sorted but at least I have made a start.
Oh and sleep… I’m writing this at 3:26am!!
Wellington Aniversary
by Chris on Jan.25, 2010, under Depression, Family, General Rants
Today is Wellington Aniversary holiday and I have been able to spend some more one on one time with Alex and Reegan.
The more time I spend with them the better I feel. Guess over the last 6-7 they have been what was missing in my life. Now that I am getting to see them on a more regular basis they are also settling into life at my place. Both nights they have been here this time they have slept all night.
I have been enjoying lots of cuddles from both of them. It’s gonna be hard to see them go again on Friday, but I’m not going to dwell on that. Just gonna enjoy the time I have with them.
I also seem to be coping better with the “Dark Side”. After my major crash a couple of weeks ago I seem to be coping better. Maybe thats what I need from time to time to make me see reality again.
Work has been it’s normal mental self. Still don’t know if I am really happy there, but guess I’ll give it a bit more time and see.
Also another change coming is I am moving house. The one I am in currently is a really lovely place, and I really like it, but at the moment I just can’t afford to stay here. So I have found a place down the road which is I guess better setup for me to have the boys, and it is $80 a week cheaper. And at the moment that is to hard to pass up.
So all in all a good few weeks. Here’s hoping they continue.
Updates
by Chris on Jan.19, 2010, under Family, Photos
Here’s some updated photos of Alex and Reegan.
Looking forward to having them stay agin next week.
The boys
by Chris on Jan.12, 2010, under Family, General Rants
I have had both boys staying with me over the last couple of days. Man I had forgotten how tiring it is looking after them.
But in saying that I have had a great time with them both. Great to have some one on one time.
And it looks like they are both coming back in a weeks time! Should give me enough time to recover!!!
2009… The year that was…
by Chris on Jan.07, 2010, under Depression, General Rants
So 2009… Wow what a year.
Talk about highs and lows. Really not a year I would like to repeat in a hurry but I made it through.
So what will 2010 bring…Whos know, but I am determined to not be so negative about alot of things, including life, work etc. I also need to teach myself to relax…I need to turn my head off. It always seems to be going a million miles an hour.
One other thing I am going to do in 2010, is lose some more weight. I have been a bit slack over Xmas and put on a couple of Kgs. Well these are going along with a few of their close friends…
So finally on 2009… I want to thank all my friends, family and some people I have never meeet for being there for me and keeping me focussed on the important things in life.
Finally
by Chris on Jan.05, 2010, under General Rants
Well I am finally back up and running with my blog.
2009 wasn’t the best year I have ever had, so I am determined to start out 2010 on a more positive note.
So more to come in the next few days as I get things all installed again.
C
Better times ahead
by Chris on Dec.16, 2009, under Uncategorized
I know I have said this before and it hasn’t turned out so…. But things look to have taken a turn for the better!!!
H and I are talking like adults again. Long may it last.
So a happy camper at the moment. 
Another month gone
by Chris on Dec.11, 2009, under Depression, Family, Work
And still I feel like crap.
Is there any end in site for all the shite I am going through at the moment. Doesn’t feel like it. Just when things start to look like they are coming right everything turms to crap again.
So what this time….Well same stuff really. H is making my life a living hell. She seems to be hell bent on sinking me. She keeps on saying that she is only thinking of the boys but I find that really hard to believe.
We had an understanding that while I was paying the mortgage on the house, which has finally sold by the way, I wouldn’t have to pay child support. Then the next I know I get a letter from the Tax Dept wanting me to pay over $1500 the week before Xmas for Oct and Nov Child Support. Now don’t get me wrong I have no issue in paying for my boys, I would give the world for them, but I just can’t afford that sort of money each and every month.
But I have no choice. I have asked several times to start working on a shared custody agreement with her and she just keeps stalling. Her lawyer wrote me a letter months ago with a proposed schedule, which I had my lawyer write up as a formal agreement. H has now refussed to sign this. She says she is sending me another different schedule. But she has been saying this for over three weeks now.
Why does she have all the control? Why does the system here in NZ so favour one party? I am getting screwed each and everyway I go.
So I asked IRD if there was anyway I could get out of paying support for those months as I was paying the mortgage, yup just need H to sign something. And when I asked her to sign it she went right off at me…Saying that it was all about money for me and that is why she had been working 2 jobs for the last 8 years to support me and the boys. What a fucking load of shit.
I earn good money and have done so for the past 5-6 years, so why is it that I never had any money either? oh that right all my money went of things like the mortgage, power, rates etc. Why did I always have to ask her for petrol money? Cause I had nothing….
And for the last six months, I have been paying over $1600 a fortnight so she and the boys had a place to live. And where was I living…Staying with family friends. Now don’t get me wrong I & G have been awesome to me and have probally stopped me doing something really stupid, but I so didn’t want to live there. Why would I? And does this get taken into account with IRD? Not on your life it does.
I am just so angry… What have I done to her to make her like this?
And work… Well there’s another thing…I am just so over the place at the moment. This week I have had one night at home….And I am getting it from all directions there. Don’t know how long I will be staying there in the new year. Really think it’s time for a change. I am good at my job but I am just sick of cleaning up other peoples shit. They fuck up and I have to fix it.
So what to do…Wish I had an answer to that one. Sometimes think this world would be better off without me in it!!
I'm back
by Chris on Nov.09, 2009, under Family
Sorry just had to turn the site off for a little while. Things started to get a little strange so I decided to go into hiding for a while.
But the good news is things are getting sorted slowly.
I move into my new place on Friday, and it looks like I am getting shared custody of the boys. Really Really happy about that.
Also on that note I had both boys for the first time over the weekend and had a blast. I t was awesome spending time with both of them. R has changed so much and is really turning into an awesome little man. A was his usual funny self. Man that kid cracks me up.
So it was an awesome weekend and I am buzzing big time today. Really like this feeling.
Back to
by Chris on Oct.09, 2009, under Random Rants
Welly today…
I get days at home then back down again.
So I am up early this morning packing as I am changing hotels, so have to move everything out. Yay…Not.
Also picking up my boss N from the airport at 7:30, so a really early start for me today.
I’ve been coping alot better since outting myself back on my meds, funny that. Also coming to the reliasation that I was being a dick about a few things has helped also.
